Powered by Blogger.

3 months in 3 minutes

by - 9:11 AM


Ok i’m back. Don’t kill me. I’m aware that its been about 3 months, if not more since I’ve last written, and my last attempt at a blog post [a couple weeks ago, you may or may not have seen it], was a complete and utter disaster which was live for a whole 20 hours before deleting it. It was a rant, to say the least, which I realized could’ve been very easily misinterpreted if you had not read my previous posts. I deleted it after getting a nasty comment [directed towards Muslims] from an random person on Google. The Middle East has enough misconceptions, I didn’t want to contribute to it.
It is impossible to sum up the last 3 months. I left Amman for winter break, traveling to Tel Aviv, Paris, and Istanbul for 3 weeks, remembered what first world countries look like, and returned to Amman with a completely different view, and mindset of the place I had been living in for the past 4 months. Not only did I have to leave the Eiffel Tower and Tel Aviv beaches for shit-hole-Amman [comparatively of course], but all of the things that I had previously embraced as “cultural differences” seemed annoying, and often intolerable. I’m not talking about the small things such as “Arab time” (showing up a half hour-two hours after you say you are going to), or peeing in a whole in the ground. Those things don’t bother me. I’m talking about the sexual harassment and the lack of tolerance for diversity. Upon coming back to Amman, I went through a solid month of cultural depression, is that what you’d call it? I hated Amman. I hated men. I hated the 30 second walk to catch a taxi. I hated the taxi driver, who either asked me to marry him, or assumed I was a Russian prostitute. I hated it all. All I wanted to do was get on a plane going anywhere except Jordan.
I was disappointed in myself because I felt like I had failed. I felt that everyone in the past who had given me the “why the fuck are you going to Jordan” look, and wondered what I saw in the Middle East and in Arabs, won. I was questioning whether I could even live in another Arab country after this, and whether I had made the right decision staying the whole year. I thought that if I had left after the first 4 months, I would still have an optimistic and exciting summary of my time here to give to family and friends upon returning to America.
Now I realize that staying the whole year, as challenging and emotionally difficult as it is most days, is the most valuable thing I could have done for myself. I feel that if I had left with my original impression that everything is great and that the not-so-great things should just be accepted, I would have being doing myself and my education an injustice.
As corny as it sounds, there truly always will be a place in my heart for Jordan. I still have “holy shit i’m in the Middle East” moments, and find myself appreciating where I am and why I’m here. However, with a little over a month left, i’m not gonna lie...I am overjoyed to be headed to Israel. I’m ready for long hot showers, being able to wear shorts when I please, and laying on the beach without being dressed like a nun (although I do appreciate Jordanian clothing in the sense that I haven’t gotten sunburned in 8 months).
Going to go enjoy my hotel room, the first time i’ve been alone since...I don’t even know when. مع سلام

You May Also Like

3 comments

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete